Report: Throwing Darts Easier Than Catching Darts

Our team of a dozen experts confirmed Tuesday that — after exhaustive research, lab work, and lots of blood — throwing darts is, in almost every case, easier than catching darts.

Speaking from the world-renowned “Dart Lab” at the Sports Riot Institute for Projectile Safety and Awareness in Rye, N.Y., head scientist Roderick von Hote said the study was full of surprises, injuries, and even a few bullseyes.

“We’re gonna have to hand it to ‘throwing’ on this one,” said von Hote, who has a PhD in Projectile Theory with a focus on pub sports from SUNY New Paltz. “We’ve amassed so much data, not to mention so many exploded eyes and punctured lungs. We really thought ‘catching darts’ would be the easier of the two.”

Von Hote’s intensive nine-week study started with a casual dart game in the basement of the Institute and then spread to the field, where the team tested its “control” data at dart-pubs around Westchester County, specifically the Dave N’ Busters in Chappaqua, Crudbuckets in Larchmont, and O’Kelly’s Shithouse in Scarsdale. Trial after trial revealed the “bizarre” and “borderline mystic” conclusion that in 91.4% of cases throwing the dart is easier.

“It’s not how I remember it,” said von Hote. “Used’a be you could catch a dart one handed, behind your back, between your fingers, and that was easier than whipping it forward with that terrible spiral motion. But, my colleagues paid the price: Tina is suffering from ‘Dart Spine,’ Pedro has a dart permanently lodged in his brain, and Will was darted to death,” von Hote laughed. “All for science.”

Though the study has yielded a 100% casualty rate, the now-one-eyed von Hote is ready to pursue his next study about whether it’s more satisfying to whack a golf ball or a human testicle off a tee.