Report: Top 5 Other Conspiracies Kyrie Irving Also Believes Happened On The Grassy Knoll

Flat Earther Kyrie Irving is the NBA’s conspiracy GOAT. And today, Uncle Drew just dropped another 5 piping-hot-crackpipe conspiracies about that little patch of greenery in Dallas referred to as the “grassy knoll,” which marks where JFK was assassinated (or was he?!):

 

1) THE GRASSY KNOLL SUNK THE TITANIC

Not one person saw an iceberg that night. Check the records. All those sea captains actually mistook a floating ice shelf for what was really a small, rolling hill in Texas comprised of luscious Bermuda grass. Which leads into:

2) THE GRASSY KNOLL IS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

That’s why the Titanic and all those other cruise liners sunk there. The knoll is literally a triangle-ish shape when you squint at it from an angle in Google Earth. Pretty on the nose, huh? It’s also where those Brazilian soccer players who resorted to cannibalism crashed — as well as United Flight 93 on September 11th. That plane didn’t go down in a grassy field in Pennsylvania; it went down on a grassy knoll in Dallas.

3) MOON LANDING WAS FILMED THERE

Not only didn’t we go to the moon, but there is no moon. What Americans saw in that grainy black and white footage was actually just the grassy knoll itself, and those so-called craters were really divots from common lawn aeration boots worn by Stanley Kubrick as he directed Neil Armstrong and other actors.

4) THE GRASSY KNOLL KILLED DALE EARNHARDT

The grassy knoll appeared in front of Dale Earnhardt at the Daytona 500 right before turn 4 of the final lap, causing Earnhardt to fatally swerve.

5) LONE ASSASSIN SHOT KENNEDY FROM ADJACENT BUILDING

Probably the dumbest of them all. A lone gunman named Lee Harvey Oswald — not the CIA — shot Kennedy from a sixth-floor window of a nearby building directly northeast of the grassy knoll, a building with the ridiculous name, “The Texas School Book Depository,” and — actually this one is too implausible to even finish…

 

If you enjoyed this list, please browse our archives to discover the 1,434 conspiracies Kyrie Irving said took place at Sports Riot headquarters.