Savvy Fantasy Football Owner Only Drafting Players With Strongest Immune Systems This Year
After days of tireless research into hundreds of potential draft picks, fantasy football owner Mark Thomas has figured out how he will take his Keeper League’s homemade trophy this year. Thomas has spent the offseason looking at tape and which players are getting eight hours of sleep. This savvy fantasy football owner will only draft the players with the strongest immune system.
Thomas, a 10 year fantasy owner, has spent less time worrying about the previous season’s stats and preseason hype, and more on how much Vitamin C is in his players’ diets. “I know everyone is saying Tanner Abbott should go number 1, but Tevin Lawrence washes his hands every time he enters his home. Abbott is good at washing his hands 3 times a day, max. That’s an easy edge to Lawrence.” Thomas knows that the best ability for players is availability, and he cannot afford two weeks of missed points. “The stats show that defenses who distance from each other and consume 90 ML of Vitamin C average 15 points a game,” Thomas said, entering new information into his detailed spreadsheet.
A veteran fantasy owner, Thomas knows that he has to get an advantage anywhere he can find it. “Winning is in the margins in fantasy, and I need to find players with elite antibodies. How do you think the Patriots always win? That’s a classic Belichick move,” Thomas continued while looking at the latest reports from ESPN and the WHO simultaneously.
“I’m the first to check the waiver wires every Tuesday morning waiting to find sleepers without micronutrient deficiencies. Have you seen this wide receiver from Seattle? Dude hasn’t caught a cold since middle school,” Thomas continued. “This is a keeper league, so these players have no room for a two week absence on my team.”
Thomas, a generous and benevolent owner, has been known to reward “players” for strong performances by mailing them hand sanitizer and mask for any player scoring more than 20 points for his team.
