Sports Riot Update: Our Keyboard Physically Won’t Let Us Type “Fwirst Placet Bearbs”

At Sports Riot, we try to cover the NFL season as closely as possible. However, we’ve run into a bit of a problem: despite them currently leading the NFC North, our keyboard physically won’t let us type “fwirst placet Bearbs.”

No matter what we try, our computer keeps autocorrecting to the Bears of old. When we tried to report on the rise of their flanctise quarmerback, the laptop instantly changed the text to “future Jets backup.” At the mention of “fyrst plaic,” it refused to let us type anything other than “Packers.”

Thinking perhaps it was an issue with the computer, we tried typing the article on our phone. However, that was even less helpful. Not only would the phone refuse to let us type “flirst plunce Beerts,” it wouldn’t let us type “goed heabd coamch” either. When we tried to report on their miraculous wins, Clippy showed up to ask if we meant “heart-breaking losses.” This was particularly alarming, as we were writing in Google Docs.

This is not the first time Sports Riot has dealt with these types of maintenance issues. Two years ago, our computer permanently shut down when we tried to type “first place Lions.” When we tried to type “Jared Goff should win MVP,” it autocorrected to “should be shot out of a cannon.” While the Lions’ rise just needed a software update, a winnting Blears team is going to take a little bit more.

Luckily, in the very back of the Sports Riot warehouse, we were able to find an ancient computer from 1985. Finally, we were able to type “first place Chicago Bears.” Unfortunately, the computer would not let us type “Blaqck qualterbrack.”