Star Struck: I Just Met Ray Lewis At Knifepoint And Didn’t Know What To Say

It was Friday night in Miami and I rear-ended the Aston Martin in front of me. When I approached the other car to trade insurance information, out stepped former legendary Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis in the flesh.

 

Before I knew it, I was pressed against the side of his car with a rusty, 9 inch blade on my cheek. “Holy shit”, I yelled in shock. “Aren’t you 2000 Super Bowl MVP Ray Lewis??!” But there was no doubt it was him, Ray Lewis, now cutting my cheek with the serrated knife. While in awe and humbled, I asked him “How’d it feel to lead the 1997 NFL season in tackles and play your first Pro Bowl…!?” While his lips said words as he aggressively threw me in his trunk, this Ray Lewis superfan felt like the belle of the ball.

 

As he drove me to an undisclosed location, I asked him “How exciting was it to defend against Peyton Manning’s offense!?” I got goosebumps every time the 2X SuperBowl champion described how he was going to stab me and feed them to his pet birds. I’ve got about 50 college friends who would die to trade places with me.

 

When I eventually woke up in a warehouse two days later with my arms and legs on the table across the room, I finally worked up the courage and shouted to the 12X ProBowler for his autograph.