Yankees Sign Entire LA Dodgers Roster

General Manager Brian Cashman of the New York Yankees has just confirmed in a press conference earlier this hour that the Yankees have signed the entire roster of the LA Dodgers in a record $650 billion deal.

The agreement, which will balloon the Yankee roster to an 81-player megateam, comes after a decision to corner the market using the signature Yankee “if-you-can’t-beat-them-buy-them” business model.

“We have an illustrious history of 27 world championships bought-and-paid-for,” Cashman told reporters. “The most efficient way to continue paying-to-win is to absorb the team that’s our greatest threat. And that’s the Dodgers.”

The cash consideration deal was completed this morning after no rounds of negotiation. “When Alexa told me what nine zeros after a number meant, I knew it was the best move for the team,” said Dave Roberts, the ex-GM of the now-defunct Dodger franchise, as he boarded a jet to Ibiza.

Yankee fans told reporters they are excited by the deal and can’t wait to see who their new überteam will play against—and buy—this World Series.