Yeehaw! Dallas Cowboys Hogtie Themselves Another Losing Season

Howdy, pilgrims! We’ve heard a great bunch ‘a NFL analysts are plumb mad wit’ that yella belly outlaw, Jerry Jones, who ‘parently went on down ta the O.K. Draft Corral and dang made sure those Dallas Cowboys done hogtied themselves another losin’ season wit’ a heap of bad pickins.

Folk intimate wit’ the happ’nin’s said Jones, n’ the whole Jones Gang, moseyed over ta Roger Goodell’s homestead a lookin’ for trouble—n’ a project Offensive Lineman. “This is a stick up,” Jones hollard, firin’ a single round ‘n the air. “Reach for the sky, and put a Linebacker in the bag!” 

The ol’ Draftkeep Goodell did as he was told, but the cowardly Jones still put a slug in him anyhow and took wha’else he could. But gents in the know say all the carnage was just fer some lame draft horses that aint got much future. 

This didn’t stop the Jones Gang, not the least satisfied wit’ their takin’s thus far, from rallyin’ ‘der wagons ta the NFC West, where they added barrels more ‘a no good football players. They even wrassled Robbie Gould out from under some weary 49ers. “Giddy up,” bellowed Jones, as he dug his spurs inta the stolen kicker.

And Jones’ crew aint done just yet. Word is they’re in need a ‘nother sturdy hand after Tony The Kid was taken out by some varmints, ‘n Prescott just aint quick ‘nough on the draw.

But analysts ‘n regular folk alike can see Jones ‘n his Cowboys aint got near the makings of a winnin’ season, try as they might. Prolly won’t be long ‘fore they get shot ta pieces by Pretty Boy Tom Brady ‘n his band ‘a Buccaneers.