5 Valentine’s Day Gifts For The Bracketologist In Your Life

Hey lovebirds, Valentine’s Day is coming up. That means March Madness is right around the corner. If you want to win the heart of the bracketologist in your life, here are five amazing gifts that will help you go all the way.

  1. SEXY RULER

Straight as an arrow with long, stiff wood, a ruler is the perfect gift for the old-fashioned bracketologist in your life who likes to go line by steamy line. And after crossing their T’s and dotting their I’s, we bet your lover just might give you the D.

  1. A FRAME FOR THEIR BRACKETOLOGY DEGREE

Your beloved didn’t spend four years at bracketology school and two years of on-the-job office pool training to have their special degree hung on the wall with thumbtacks. Bracketology is far too serious for that. Show off that $300,000 piece of paper with a nice frame from, oh — I don’t know — Target or something?

  1. CHOCOLATE DICK VITALE

For the sweetheart with a sweet tooth, a chocolate Dick Vitale is just what the doctor ordered, baby! Indulge in the rich, sensual taste of this life-sized replica of the 82-year-old heartthrob. And for lovers trying to lose those love handles, fear not. Chocolate Dick Vitale comes in a miniature “diaper dandy” size, too.

  1. RARE WILSON HEART-SHAPED BASKETBALL

If you really want to impress your lover, try scouring eBay for Wilson’s rare NCAA heart-shaped basketball that was taken off shelves due to its incredibly dangerous bounce trajectory. This unpredictable ball will keep you on your toes as you dodge them for your life — and they just might help you score two even more misshapen balls on Valentine’s Day, too.

  1. PATENTED FLIPPING COIN

If you’re willing to break the bank, a genuine patented flipping coin may just be what your bracketologist needs to decide between two evenly matched teams. After all, this shit is pure luck anyways.