Milwaukee Brewers Wondering If There’s Some Magical Beverage That Can Help Them Forget Playoff Loss

After last night’s crushing season-ending loss, players on the Milwaukee Brewers were reportedly scouring their refrigerators wondering if, please God, there’s something they can drink to take the edge off.

Some magical elixir that will ease the pain of having to wait five months to try and do this all again.

Some potion that will ease sore hamstrings and create a happyish “buzz” to help forget Pete Alonzo’s go-ahead homer in the ninth.

“I wish there was a drug . . . that we could drink,” said pitcher Tobias Myers, who threw five scoreless last night, sipping on the golden, carbonated Milwaukee’s Best that runs from the city’s taps. “I’m sure we’ll think of something.”