NY Jets Announce They Are Moving On From Winning

In a surprising announcement on Sunday, general manager Darren Mougey stated that the New York Jets had pivoted strategies, and were no longer interested in pursuing a future with the concept of winning football games.

“Last week, we sat all our players down and shared that our intention was to move in a different direction in terms of trying to actually win games,” stated Mougey, who cited the 1976 Buccaneers, the 2008 Lions, and the entire history of the Cleveland Browns franchise as his inspirations behind the change of tactics. “To be honest, the games we have won didn’t live up to expectations. And whether that’s our fault or the fault of the game itself, our fans have made it clear that these past two seasons of giving them even a glimmer of false hope just never worked out.”

Mougey went on to stress that there was “no ill will” between the Jets organization and the concept of winning, and he wished “all the success in the world” to the winners of football games in the future, whatever teams they may be. He then concluded that he could “even see a future of winning with the [New York] Giants,” after which he and the entire press corps immediately burst out laughing.