Penn State Calls 2025 Season The Most Disgusting Thing To Ever Take Place On Team’s Facilities

After a dismal 6-6 season, the Penn State Athletics Department released a statement to fans and the media addressing the unprecedentedly reprehensible start for the organization.

“We here at Penn State value integrity, accountability and transparency over all,” stated Penn State athletic director Dr. Patrick Kraft, “We strive day-in and day-out to instill those values in our athletes, as well as in all the young children who hope to find the Penn spirit deep inside them some day. We want these kids to look up to our players and see our coaching staff as father figures and uncles. With this in mind, we unequivocally denounce our performance so far this year: the 2025 season has been the most disgusting thing to ever take place on our team’s facilities.

Despite these troubling beginnings, Kraft maintained winning remains Penn’s top priority above all else. “Starting 0-6 like we are, if something isn’t right with our culture or coaching staff we will do almost anything we can to rectify that. We saw early on how James Franklin’s despicable behavior in capacity as coach led to the unthinkable, a loss to Northwestern, and we immediately took action to right the situation. We only apologize for not acting sooner.”

“What’s happening right now is — quite frankly — abusive to all the little boys and girls that trusted and looked up to us,” Kraft went on, “We need to get back to our roots of touching these young fans in a special way they’ll remember for the rest of their lives. That’s just what we do here at Penn.”