Why Do I Get The Feeling Adam Silver Sheds His Skin Twice A Year?
Throughout his tenure as Commissioner of the NBA, Adam Silver has brought change to a league in desperate need of it. Yet, in spite of all that he’s accomplished, one can’t help but wonder whether deep down he’s really a carnivorous, green tetrapod who sheds his skin twice a year.
Is Silver an attorney who graduated from Duke University in 1984, or is he a humanoid reptilian from the Cretaceous Period? The more one investigates, the harder it is to say. For example, have you ever noticed that he suffocates his prey prior to consumption? Or that he always seems to be eating giant eggs? Of course, it’s possible this is just a coincidence, but one can’t help but wonder whether these facts are somehow connected.
The more you think about it, the stranger it is that, rather than walk from place to place, Silver travels by slithering across the ground on his belly. The fact that he’s terrified of birds and has heat lamps in his office alone means very little, but when taken with everything else is very damning. I did a little digging and learned that Silver became the only commissioner in the history of American sports to come into power after eating his predecessor when he consumed David Stern back in 2014. It doesn’t seem possible, but it’s true.
Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe it’s normal for a human being to have 4-inch fangs and a thick layer of scales covering his skin. Until Silver stops hiding in the 7th grade classroom where he’s kept as a pet, climbs on top of the giant rock in the terrarium he uses to deliver press conferences, and starts hissing the truth, we’ll never know for sure.
