5 Signs You’re Not Going To Win Your March Madness Pool Or Custody Of Your Kids
Sorry pal, but it looks like you’ve botched your March Madness pool — and any chance you had at a meaningful relationship with your kids outside of court-approved weekends. Here are five signs that you’re going to have to kiss your winnings and three small children goodbye.
- YOU TURNED IN YOUR BRACKET LATE — JUST LIKE YOUR CHILD SUPPORT
Sarah in accounting sent six reminder emails about when the brackets were due, but your unorganized ass didn’t bother so much as to write it down on a Post-it. Just like you forgot to write out those child support checks.
- YOU UNDERESTIMATED DUKE — AND YOUR WIFE’S LEGAL TEAM
Did you really think Coach K was going to phone it in on his last season? Duke has always been a powerhouse, just like the law firm of Lippmann, Truman, Chambers & Associates LLC, which your wife has put on retainer.
- AN OCTOPUS PICKED A BETTER BRACKET THAN YOU — AND IS PROBABLY A BETTER FATHER TO HIS CHILDREN
A restaurant menu item named “Mr. Ocho” managed to have better judgment than you, and probably gets to hug his kids more often with his many arms.
- YOU PICKED TOO MANY UNDERDOGS — LIKE YOUR PRO BONO LEGAL TEAM
You like underdogs because you identify with them, but choosing the No. 15 seed to win it all — just like you picked your cousin’s neighbor’s son fresh out of a No. 345-seed law school to represent you — might backfire. Your odds of tucking your kids in at night are now a zillion to one.
- WAIT, YOU FORGOT TO TURN IN YOUR BRACKET AFTER ALL — AND MAIL THAT CHILD SUPPORT CHECK
Which one is Sarah in accounting? Do you even own a checkbook? Which one of the children is named ‘Liam’? Looks like you’re going to do worse in the courtroom than your teams did on the court this March.
If you liked this list, be sure to check out next week’s “The 10 Best Ways Ditch Your Kids When Your Custody Weekend Coincides With The Big Game.”
