Andy Dalton Has Fucked 136 Carolina Residents Since Sunday

Carolina has a new sex-God. The “Red Rifle” has reportedly “unloaded” on 136 Carolina residents. And, counting!

“Guys, gals, and everyone else in Carolina can’t not fuck me right now,“ Dalton said in interview in-between slurps of Liquid IV desperately trying to hydrate.

The community around the Panthers organization and across Carolina statewide appears to have reached a “Will Fuck For A Win” boiling point, sources say.

“We haven’t reached body desperation like this since ‘03,” commented former 2003 Panthers Super Bowl starting quarterback, and person who just fucked Andy Dalton, Jake Delhomme.

While the strength and conditioning staff are concerned for Dalton’s long term well-being should the Panthers actually win again, Dalton was quick to point out, “I’ve trained my whole life this. For someone, anyone, to notice me do something good on the field. This is my big moment — to fuck!”