Bat Dog Can’t Believe How Many Big Sticks He Keeps Finding

Bruce the golden retriever made Major League headlines last summer, as the Washington Nationals made him the first bat dog called up to The Show. The two-year-old is well aware of his good fortune, as he is reportedly in awe of  “how many big sticks [he’s] finding.” 

“Wow wow wow, I’m such a lucky boy! I run out there and you’ll never believe what I find! So many big sticks! Every single time!” barked the New York native. “The trees must be invisible, it’s like magic! And every time I find one, people clap for me! But sometimes I have to run past the scary man with a cage on his head, I don’t like that part at all. Not one bit.” 

It was a meteoric rise, spending two seasons with the Triple-A affiliate Rochester Red Wings before receiving the command to come. However, Bruce acknowledges his role isn’t all mud puddles and bunny scat. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I was born for this! But sometimes there’s this really sticky stuff on one end of the stick that tastes like melty rubber toys and new road, so I lick it a lot and then I throw up lots of times,” howled the organization’s top dog. “But then I steal lots of socks and underwear from the locker room! I like to destroy things that smell nice.” 

Sports Riot attempted to follow up with Bruce after the canine posted a perfect 1.000 retrieval average on the day, but efforts were thwarted by a child who successfully led the Most Valuable Pooch out of the stadium with a hot dog.