Drop Fucking Everything: North Dakota-North Dakota State Rivalry Heating Up

Drop fucking everything: The Fighting Hawks are playing the Bison right fucking now and this shit is intense as fuck! The heated UND-NDSU rivalry is in full swing, and all 17 rabid fans in attendance are frothing at their fucking mouths. The atmosphere here at the Betty Englestad Sioux Center is electric and the hatred between both sides is palpable. There’s no love lost between any of these players, none of whom have the slightest chance of being drafted.

One of UND’s 10,000 undergraduates, Brock Crosser, had some harsh words for his southern rivals: “Those pretentious, Fargo-livin’, metropolitan fuckwads can go to hell! We don’t need any of their fancy schmancy elitist ‘culture’ in this here 56,000-person city!” This sentiment, echoed by many in northern North Dakota, is why the treacherous, hour-long drive up I-29 is referred to as “North-Central North Dakota’s Jericho Road.”

Look out! Even the goddamn faculty is seeing red. “Those dumb hicks are just bitter we spanked them on local access television back in ’84,” sneered NDSU President Dean Bresciani before adding that Grand Forks is only good for two things: getting piss drunk in Perkins’ parking lots with townies and freezing your fucking ass off.

Hold the fucking phone! Is that hot dog vendor throwing shade at local legend Jordan Williams who’s in town from Minot? Jesus fucking Christ, the Grand Forks constable is going to have himself a full-blown skirmish if he doesn’t keep these farmhands in check. I’d feel safer fracking out in Watford City than being caught alone in the parking lot alone after this barnburner. Uh-oh! Someone call the volunteer firefighters, I’m getting’ the hell outta here!