Horse Puts Injured Jockey Out Of His Misery

A local racehorse had to make the agonizing decision to put down her jockey today at Churchill Downs racetrack following a devastating injury.

Racehorse Boston Baked Bean discovered her jockey, Bill Lundy, had sprained his ankle following a routine dizzy spell from hunger. It wasn’t long before the chestnut-haired, 14-hand tall rider displayed all the telltale signs of excruciating pain in jockeys, including a limp, sensitivity to touch, and F-bombs.  

“I could tell he was miserable, having known him all three years of my life,” Boston Baked Bean told reporters through a series of ground stomps and whinnies. “Putting him down was the kind, equine thing to do.”

After doctors confirmed the sprain at the scene, it wasn’t long before Bill Lundy was staring down the barrel of a shotgun held in the mouth of a tearful Boston Baked Bean, who knew that as a professional racehorse, unpleasant actions like these had to be taken for the sake of the sport.

“It was the hardest thing I’ve had to do; looking into his sweet, innocent chocolate eyes and hearing his pleas for life,” Boston Baked Bean hoofed. “But it had to be done.”

Adding to the tragedy, Bill Lundy was widely considered to be the front-runner for the Triple Crown.

“No doubt Bill Lundy had a nice life of racing and inseminating ahead of him,” neighed prominent jockey enthusiast Lil’ Nibbler IV via a telephone interview from his polo club. “It’s such a waste. But riders don’t ever come back 100% from sprained ankles. Sometimes investments like these don’t pan out, and I suppose that’s business.”

Boston Baked Bean says she won’t ever forget Bill Lundy’s spirit and competitive instinct and plans to commemorate him yearly by sending a blanket of roses to his final resting place at the soap factory.