Icelander Steingrimur Vilhjalmsson Crowned World’s Emotionally Strongest Man

After two days of grueling competition, Icelander Steingrimur Vilhjalmsson was crowned World’s Emotionally Strongest Man. The 5’7” 152 pound Emotional Strongman, who came in fourth last year, absolutely crushed the competition and was, amazingly, the least codependent in his weight class.

“I’ve got to thank my team of therapists, life coaches, and personal guru, Aradhya Gupta, for turning me into the absolute beast of empathy and understanding you see today,” Vilhjalmsson told reporters after the medal ceremony. “I’ve been training for this day ever since my parents died in a tragic car crash when I was eight, and I was forced to raise my seven younger siblings, who I couldn’t be more proud of, by the way, all alone while still coming of age myself.”

Vilhjalmsson, after a slight hang up at Depression, completed the Five Stages of Grief event in under six minutes—a full 90 seconds faster than last year’s champ, Canadian Emotional Strongman Elliott “Self-Actualized” Shamberg—then busted out an unheard of 12 reps of the Mufasa Death Watch Marathon.

“I almost threw in the towel during the Herculean Hurt when I had to tell my daughter that Mommy wasn’t coming home, but I l dug deep and gained the courage to break her sweet little heart and finish the heat,” he stated. “It was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, but after shouldering the emotional burden of caring for that same terminally ill child whose only Make-A-Wish was to see her daddy become world champ before she dies, I knew I had it in me to look into her baby blues and shatter her whole goddamn world.”

The Strongman, who shamelessly cried tears of victory, left the medal ceremony early to get his daughter back to the hospital and start making funeral arrangements. All of his fans know he will absolutely dominate her upcoming eulogy.