Investigation: What Other Sun Is Phoenix Playing For?

The Phoenix Suns organization must answer a fundamental question to be considered a legitimate player in cosmic sports: What other suns are they playing for? 

As a monosunistic culture, the severity of intergalactic mingling carries a steep consequence: Allowing other suns to assimilate into our own galaxy is a step towards not being able to take care of our own.

Sure, the inclusion of stars lightyears away into the namesake of our NBA teams seems noble, but what happens when the aliens from those galaxies show up to our NBA arenas feeling like they have a stake in the action? How noble will you feel when you have to give up your seat to one of them?

When the Suns were founded in 1968, the NBA had a decision to make: name their new expansion team the Phoenix Westerners or betray every living organism within the Milky Way. Their misguided decision set off a series of events that has spiraled into utter catastrophe.

After uncovering classified NBA documents, we can confirm that the decision to include other suns into the Phoenix basketball brand was a direct order from then-NBA Commissioner Larry O’Brien, covered up by corporate sponsors and the alien-controlled media.

Thankfully, we have since learned our lesson on how to keep things local to our own galaxy, culminating in the WNBA’s Connecticut Sun, but do we really know which sun they pledge allegiance to?