Local Sports Fan Actively Looking For Other Things To Get Irrationally Mad About

With the novel coronavirus disrupting sports, millions of sports fans are looking for other ways to project their anger, including local diehard Jake Clancy, who has reportedly been calling into local radio shows and violently screaming “DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE!” multiple times a day.

“Without sports, it’s been tough on Jake. Sports were his outlet, and now he’s actively looking for other things to get irrationally mad about,” said Clancy’s wife, Katie. “Yesterday I went to hold my husband’s hand in bed, and he jumped up and yelled ‘HOLDING ON THE PLAY’ and then grabbed our yellow table cloth and threw it at me.”

Clancy has also reportedly told neighbors that he and his team are “coming for them,” and “I’M THE MVP!” According to friends, Clancy also demanded an instant replay after purchasing items he mistakenly believed were on sale.

At home, the situation has become dire for Katie Clancy and the children.

“He storms around the house and tells us that we’re four games out of first-place, and we need to pick it up,” she said, adding that her husband announced that if the family can make a championship run, then he will have no choice but to tear down the roster and rebuild.