New Washington Cheerleader Uniforms Just Trench Coat And Snow Pants

Although the Washington Football team has yet to reveal its new nickname, the organization took a step forward yesterday and announced that it will be updating its current traditional-but-offensive cheerleading uniform of yesterseason in favor of a play-it-safe-but-keep-it-sexy ensemble made up of one full-length, burgundy trench coat and one size-XL pair of white snow pants with gold frill. The team is hoping the change will help revamp their image while also pushing the 30-woman cheer squad to its sexiest-ever heights.

“Our new approach to cheerleading uniforms is going to revolutionize the way Football Team Nation fantasizes during TV Timeouts,” said Edmund Barrett, the team’s 74-year old Head of Cheerleading. “Fans are going to see that the First Ladies of Football are not the sexy outfits they wear, but rather the sexy dances they execute.”

The new outfit, celebrated for its ability to easily sexualize even the most pregnant of cheerleaders, is only one of many in the team’s new, completely revamped cheerleading wardrobe.

“For the Christmas game, each cheerleader will be clad head-to-toe in a 1:1 replica of the Macy’s Santa Clause outfit – beard included,” said Barrett. “And for Thanksgiving, we’re going to have them all perform from inside one, gigantic opaque turkey costume. Fans won’t know what aroused them.”

Although the outfits may be changing, owner Dan Snyder is already on the record having promised all his close friends that the team’s Hourly Cheerleader Rental Rate will remain as wallet-friendly as ever.