Rams’ HR Department Horrified To Learn Entire Team Just Walking Around Locker Room Dicks Out And Everything

Emails leaked from the Los Angeles Rams Human Resources Department yesterday underscore the need for a clear, consistent NFL cock policy as the messages indicate the entire team simply walks around the locker room — dicks out and everything — on a regular basis.

“We’ve had meetings about this. It very clearly goes against our personal conduct policy,” team HR representative Bailey Walker wrote in one email, referencing the mandatory penis training players underwent before the season that explicitly warned players against walking around with their dicks flopping about. “Flaccid, dangling naked dicks are inappropriate in our workplace, and we expect you to refrain from this behavior.”

The emails show how the Rams have fruitlessly regulated penile appearance in the locker room. Last year, for example, the team banned the artful braiding of a player’s pubic hair to reduce chances for exposure.

“Per organizational guidelines, a pube-do and pube-overs are not permitted in the locker room,” Walker wrote in that email, igniting a locker room firestorm over the cultural bias inherent in the policy with many players shaving their pubic hair in protest to further exacerbate the appearance of their meaty membranes.

Although the Rams declined to comment, an anonymous source noted that the team’s health insurance plan absolutely covers whatever sexually transmitted diseases many of the players are clearly suffering from.