Report: A Kelce Brother Is Probably Fucking Right Now

A shocking new study released by the NFL has revealed that, given any moment chances are, a Kelce brother is likely having sex. Whether it is a global pop superstar after a huge playoff win, a wife before a playoff win, or even you right now in this very moment. Statistically speaking, a Kelce right now is fucking. But it’s not all good news as some Sexperts fear that no one is safe from a Kelce bangjob.

The shocking report collected mounds of hot steamy man data from years of scientists following around the entire Kelce family, and studies show every 3.2 seconds, someone is being “touchdowned” by a Kelce (sometimes “extra pointed” as well, but it depends on the person).

Researchers have further discovered this trait to be hereditary, getting it from Donna, their mother and matriarch of the family. Mr. Kelce is simultaneously very happy his wife does an endzone dance on his genitals 3-5 times a day but also fearful her intensity might one day kill him.

Furthermore, it’s believed that if the Kelce family keeps this pace, most of America will be a Kelce by 2037, and every NFL team will feature at least one Kelce. This season alone, Travis and Jason both boast a very impressive 94% fuck to completion percentage. This is believed to vastly outclip the Manning family, who have not cum since 2018.

Travis and Jason did chat about the study, however, as fans of the New Heights podcast usually comment, it was hard to hear the brothers over all the moaning.