San Diego Padres Hoping Possible Trip To Playoffs Will Reunite Them With Estranged Hijos
Claiming that things were finally turning around for them, the San Diego Padres expressed optimism that they could use the travel from their potential playoff berth to once again get in contact with their estranged hijos.
“I feel like we’re on a winning streak, so now’s a good time to try and reach out,” said Padres pitcher and alienated father of one Mike Clevinger. “Hopefully we can use this trip to finally let our hijos know who we really are, you know? While they’re still joven.”
Though they were never fully simpático with their hijos, the Padres have been feeling especially sad since they lost joint custody of their hijos to the Miami Madres and their nuevo amores, the Tampa Bay Steppadres. Adding insult to injury, the Padres’ youngest hijos cited the New York Yankees as their “personal heroes” in a school diorama project, calling the team the “Padres they never had.”
“Between striking out with child protective services, and the Madres’ constant comments about our chronic inability to finish even with runners in scoring position, it’s been a really tough season for all of us,” admitted Padres manager and aspiring weekend dad Jayce Tingler. “We keep writing mensajes de esperanza on all the balls we hit out of the park hoping they’ll reach our beloved hijos, but so far not one has been tossed back onto the field.”
While the Miami Madres did admit to once loving the Padres, that love faded after a few particularly ambitious ventures in 2005 and 2006 fell short and seemed to sap the Padres of their drive. The Madres now complain that the Padres are too content with where they are, and no longer have aspirations to move to Los Angeles and make something of themselves like those bonito Chargers from next door.
Regardless of the odds, the Padres say they are feeling confident that they and their hijos will reunite, adding that they have also devised a backup “trick play,” where they would casually drop in on the hijos during their monthly visitation with their Arizona Abuelitas.
