Sure, But How Fast Can You Throw A Radar Gun?

As a pro scout, I’ve seen countless baseball hot shots with fancy fastballs and impressive ‘junk’ come and go over the years, but the only thing I really look for in a prospect is how fast they can throw a radar gun. That’s how I learned that I can throw a radar gun way faster than most of these chumps. Much, much faster.

I can throw a radar gun 71 MPH, which is equal to about a 109 MPH “baseball” fastball, but you won’t see me going pro anytime soon, because that game is still played with baseballs. But just imagine what it would be like if it was played with radar guns. Pretty cool, right? 

Anyone can throw a fastball with a little practice but throwing radar guns takes real skill. I can throw a radar gun as a fastball, curveball, or even a slider. Go to my YouTube channel if you don’t believe me. I throw that puppy in a variety of ways, including like a frisbee, but my patented handle-heave is where I really shine. 

My father, a highway patrolman, taught me everything. Unfortunately, we lost him while he was teaching me how to toss a regular gun out on the front lawn. He believed in my abilities but told me I would never find success in a world that only cares about balls. 

It’s time for baseball to be replaced by a newer, fresher sport. Radar Ball. Gun Ball. The name is up to you. I’d like to see those “pros” last 16 grueling innings (radar ball has 16 innings) chucking that misshapen thing. Once they’re digging shards of plastic and glass out of their forearms after a line drive, then they’ll know I wasn’t crazy. 

Let’s show those fake athletes. Let’s show my dad. Let’s show the world. They were all wrong.