Washington Redskins Change Name To Cleveland Indians

Addressing years of controversy surrounding the overtly racist nature of his team’s name, this Tuesday Washington Redskin’s owner, Daniel Snyder announced that the team will be changing its name to the Cleveland Indians, effective immediately.

“We knew we had to do something to make up for the years of pain that our indigenous brethren have endured,” said Snyder, solemnly telling reporters that Native Americans can take comfort in the fact that their ancestors’ souls are finally at peace.” 

Snyder insists that the team’s rebranding goes far beyond the new name. He laid out detailed plans to convert the team’s injury tent into a teepee, institute mandatory rain dance celebrations following every touchdown, and introduce a strict bartering system for all FedExField concession stands. 

“We’re very proud of our new Indian heritage,” said Snyder, adding that he is friends with many Indian casino owners, all of whom have assured him that they are now, officially the least racist team in sports. “It feels good to be on the right side of history.”

Snyder insists that the team’s rebranding goes far beyond the new name. He laid out detailed plans to convert the team’s injury tent into a teepee, institute mandatory rain dance celebrations following every touchdown, and introduce a strict bartering system for all FedExField concession stands.