Prospect Of Mariners In World Series Has Seattle Resident Too Excited To Sleep Under Bridge
After 24 long years, the Mariners have made it past the first round of the MLB playoffs, reaching an ALCS against the Toronto Blue Jays in what many Seattle superfans are heralding as “cool.” Now one game away from potentially making history with a franchise-first world series appearance, many Emerald City residents are reporting they are too excited to sleep under the bridges they’ve been calling home since way before you moved here.
“I used to sleep like a log at my hovel down in the murky underpassage off I-90,” said longtime bridge-dweller and substitute crafts teacher Urma Hatch. “But I’m so excited about these games, I’m tossing and turning all night like my mattress was made out of plush memory foam.”
In Seattle, where alternative lifestyles come with the territory, traditional American practices such as enclosed structures or actually winning a pennant for once in your life are seen as a concession to the “square” ideals of the nuclear family. For example, Nirvana alum Dave Grohl has several properties in California, but still returns to his concrete patch under the Fremont Bridge every time he comes home to see the Mariners flame out in the final weeks of the regular season.
While Mariners excitement reigns, some residents find themselves resenting their long-struggling team’s sudden success, with fears it may compromise their authenticity. “I really liked their early stuff, but a World Series is so mainstream,” said local freegan activist Lars Trundle, “I never thought they’d sell out and become winners like that. I just can’t relate anymore.”
Others couldn’t be more excited. “I’m a huge fan of the team. I moved here two years ago after graduating from Boston U with a degree in compsci,” said Amazon project manager Stephen Felton. “I got my Mariners tattoo my second week here in the U-district, right under my Starbucks logo. I’d actually love to move into a real apartment, but the rents are insanely high.”
Felton then returned to the darkness of his bridge with the other Seattleites.
