‘Air Bud: Fur-mula 1’ Goes Through Record 30th Stunt Dog

It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far in fiery, fur-filled explosions.

“In terms of ensuring on-set canine safety, it is clear that we have a long ways to go,” stated SAG-AFTRA spokesperson Susan Otelia, speaking to reporters next to stunt dog, AirBud31, who appeared heavily bandaged and cone-of-shamed after he missed the infamous 130R corner on the Suzuka track and careened through the catch fence at over 180 miles per hour.

Filming has been suspended while both producers and the union agree to improvements in the dog to death ratio. Ideas that have been floated include both bribes and punishments, such as coating the gear shaft in peanut butter so the dogs will be incentivized to use them correctly, or rubbing the dogs’ noses in the firery remains of the vehicle (if the dog survived, of course). SAG-AFTRA has also proposed scrapping the climactic shot of the film, involving a panting, smiling Buddy clipping the rival German Shepherd hired by Mercedes to beat him and sending their cars hurdling end-over-end into the stands.

While the details are still being ironed out, a producer on the film, Michael Burkhardt, was adamant his set had gotten progressively safer.

“When you take dogs with no opposable thumbs and mix them with 1.6 liter turbocharged engines, obviously some accidents are bound to happen,” mused the producer. “Hell, the first four Buddys didn’t even make it through the first shot. But by dog 26, we were almost five days on set between incidents, up until dog 27 started barking at his own reflection in the rear-view mirror and drove straight into the pit crew, killing twelve men and women.”

If negotiations can get back on track, cinemagoers can look for “Air Bud: Fur-mula 1” to finally reach theaters in early December. And Burkhardt encouraged fans of both Formula 1 racing and canine mayhem to go show their support for the film opening day, provided they can get through all the PETA protesters.