AD: Click Below To Enter Slim Jim’s Golden Jerky Wrapper Contest To Win A Chance At Looting Macho Man Randy Savage’s Grave

Hey you! Snap into a Slim Jim for the once-in-a-lifetime giveaway! Click below and enter for a chance for you and a friend to find the golden jerky wrapper and loot Macho Man Randy Savage’s Grave. OOOOHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!! You have five seconds to click right here before this deal expires, and your phone explodes, and we sell you off for Slim Jim parts! You in, Slim Jerk? GOOD!!

Wow. CONGRATULATIONS!! You’ve won the Golden Wrapper! Now pick your friend, and it better not be your lazy-ass Grandpa who hasn’t left the bed in five decades. Click here for instructions to the Macho Man’s grave, and click here to collect your bedazzled cowboy hat. 

Your puny ass is going to need two things to get inside the Macho Mausoleum: golden shovels and 20 pounds of Slim Jims. Click here and we’ll send you….LOOK OUTSIDE WE ALREADY SENT IT!!! Did you eat the Slim Jims? Eat the goddamn Slim Jims, nerds! Great. Now, grab the shovels and hit the road. You’ll find the Slim Jims’ Monster Truck outside. Don’t ask a single question, and get inside!

Now, break in the Macho Man’s final resting place. Jump off the top rope of the graveyard, and smash in the door. The Slim Jim’s casket will open once you consume all those Monster Jims. What do you think you’ll find? Fringed jackets and sequined chaps? An endless supply of colorful spandex? Wait, what’s that? There is no Macho Man in the casket? But there is a mummified Macho Man standing right behind you? Click here to sign our waiver. 

Warning: Some terms and conditions apply. Don’t enter if you don’t want to be attacked by an undead Randy Savage—or if you’re Hulk Hogan.