Breaking: Tua Finally Slides, Ironically Immediately Dies

BREAKING: Tragic news out of Miami, FL today as everyone’s greatest hope – became triumph – became terror, as star Dolphins quarterback, Tua Tagovailoa, finally followed America’s wishes and slid for the first time today in the middle of the third-quarter against the Arizona Cardinals.

Unfortunately to the Nation’s dismay, Tua’s legs instantly exploded – passing away immediately on slide-impact.

While removing the half-body for a TV timeout, Mike McDaniel addressed the situation to the Fox sideline reporter on-site, “He knew there was a chance for ‘leg trauma.’ But – it was his choice!”

R.I.P.