Fenway Park Still Telling Other Stadiums About Time It Was In “The Town”

Nine years after its release, Fenway Park employees are still bragging to the rest of the country’s stadiums about their ballpark’s role in The Town. “Affleck. Renner. Hamm. Fenway. Four screen legends in the same film. Need I say more?” Fenway security guard Paulie Owens told reporters before pointing down the concourse whose walls and garage doors commanded the silver screen with their tour de force performance.

“What movies was your park in?” shouted off-the-clock Wally the Green Monster mascot, Thomas Schneider at a Tropicana Field hot dog vendor while on vacation in Florida. “Does your ballpark star in a critically acclaimed film that got 93% on rotten tomatoes? I didn’t think so, kid!”

Despite the fact that Fenway was being shot up in the film and has never looked worse, Red Sox owner John W. Henry stated, “No other stadium could have pulled off Fenway’s role in The Town, that’s for damn sure. Heck, Wrigley Field could barely manage Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and that was a cameo in a comedy, not a lead role in a dramatic piece that Roger Ebert gave three out of four stars. If only the Oscars weren’t so political…” When asked to comment on Fenway’s impact on his career, fellow Boston actor Matt Damon broke into tears and said, “Fenway’s work in The Town deeply inspired me as an actor and artist. I’ll never have a performance that legendary, that perfect.”