Isabelle Butker Stoned To Death For Receiving Unsolicited Job Offer

As is tradition with the strict Butker belief system, sources close to the situation report that Mrs. Isabelle Butker was laid to rest Thursday by hundreds and hundreds of hurled rocks, stones, and hard projectiles.

“You hate to see it,” said Harrison Butker, Isabelle’s former and still living husband. “I was just as shocked as the next guy who Kicks for a living when a letter in the mail not even labeled to her with a job offer came in! At first I thought it was spam – now I know,” Butker paused, tears gathering in his eyes, before he continued, “she’s in a better place now.”

Upon further investigation, Sport Riot has learned and is reporting that the job offer in question was in fact for the previous owner of the Butker home. Congrats Mary Lingleson on your new Chief Financial Officer position at Carl’s & Co! Please update your mailing records.

RIP Isabelle Butker (1997-2024).