MLB Condenses Season To 15,435 Games

Responding to the novel coronavirus pandemic that had endangered the MLB season, commissioner Rob Manfred yesterday announced that the league will dramatically reduce this upcoming season to a paltry 15,435 games.

“We did everything we could to preserve our 127,863-game season, but ultimately, it did not work out,” Manfred said, adding that the league considered having each team play a double-header twelve days a week.

Team doctors, however, objected to the idea, citing an amphetamine shortage to prepare players for that schedule structure.

Owners, who were concerned about lost revenue from attendance, struck a deal with players to allow steroid use to increase fan interest in the truncated season.