Paul Skenes Youngest to 200 K’s And 200-Loss Season

2025 has seen its share of bizarre stats, including four players with four-home-run games, a catcher vying for the home-run title, and a pitcher-slugger who could take his third consecutive MVP. But even among these, nothing compares to Pirates’ phenom RHP Paul Skenes, who sits poised to become the youngest player ever to gain entrance to the elusive 200-200 club. 

That’s 200 strikeouts, 200 losses.  

In a feat some sportswriters are calling “mathematically impossible,” Skenes could go where no pitcher has ever gone before: namely, the three-digit-loss column — and all of this thanks to the record-setting lack of support from his teammates’ offense. 

“What these [sports journalists] don’t understand is, when you’re talking about Skenes and the Buckos, all laws of math, physics, and frankly offensive production go out the window,” said Pirates’ manager Don Kelly. “Paul and our one-through-nine hitters are putting up, just, unreal numbers. And the city couldn’t be more proud.”

Added Kelly, “I mean, our offense is so shitty that all it takes for Skenes to lose is giving up a single unearned run.” 

As the Pirates hurtle toward another last-place finish, Kelly is hustling to boost Skenes’ numbers. The organization has even gone so far as to bus the pitcher, on an off-day, to Double-A Altoona, where the offense is equally shit, just so Paul-Star can rack up another outstanding ten-strikeout loss. 

But as everyone in baseball knows, nothing beats a beautiful Friday night in Pittsburgh, with staggering views of the bridges, watching Skenes dominate the opposition while his offense puts up nothing but zeroes. “That’s Skenes and the Pirates for you,” said Kelly. “He’s impossibly good. We’re impossibly bad.” 

With the season wrapping up, we could see Skenes crossing the foul lines to pinch-pitch for the Reds or Braves in the unlikely event the Pirates are ahead late in the game.