Spokesman For Sprite, Nike, Beats, Intel, Kia, Dunkin’, Samsung, State Farm And More Finally Sells Out

Well it finally happened. One of our most beloved sports heroes and spokesman for Nike, Beats, Intel, Kia, Dunkin’, Samsung, State Farm and More finally sold out last Friday and used their fame to promote a corporation.

It came as a betrayal to many who believed the superstar when they said time and again that they play “for the love of the game.” Lifelong fan and now heartbroken 12-year-old Tony Watkins stated, “it just hurts, y’know? I grew up watching him win championships and make jokes on insurance commercials, the next thing I know it he’s endorsing a morally bankrupt company. After all these years he finally showed his true colors.”

Apparently the superstar’s 10-year $220 million dollar contract with $90 million guaranteed wasn’t enough to temper their insatiable greed. “We all thought he was one of us: just another blue-collar working man who made money hand over fist playing ball,” added ex-fan, Ron Thompson. “Neither I, nor any of the guys who bought Kias like our millionaire, hometown hero would have guessed he’d turn into Mr. Bigshot-No-Integrity-Pants. He’s nothing more than mercenary sold to the highest bidder.”

Social media is in an uproar and a boycott of the athlete is gaining speed. Hundreds of fans have reportedly moved “off the grid” to avoid patronizing any corporation who pays the formerly “salt of the earth” star.