Aaron Rodgers Dies Of Sensitivity Training
Jets officials confirmed that New York quarterback Aaron Rodgers suffered a fatal reaction to a sensitivity training seminar earlier today. The mandated event was aimed to help Jets players understand their teammates’ diverse perspectives and foster attitudes that would improve group dynamics in the wake of a disappointing start to the season. Witnesses say Rodgers died twenty minutes into the meeting.
“Things were looking bad for Aaron right from the start,” Jets running back Breece Hall told reporters. “The group leader asked us to write our pronouns on our nametags and that’s when Aaron suffered his first ministroke.”
Things continued to progress poorly as the session delved into empathy building. “We were asked to listen without interrupting as people shared their experiences. We were told to put ourselves in that person’s shoes. That’s when Aaron started coughing and gagging,” said wide receiver Garret Wilson. “Between gurgles he shouted, ‘if I don’t talk about myself, how will I breathe?”
As a discussion on diversity and inclusion commenced, Rodgers was observed to have slumped over in his chair. Teammates say, however, that they didn’t recognize this as a sign of medical distress, citing Rodgers’ frequent pouting in the locker room after losses.
But one symptom was severe enough to alarm a teammate into action. “Aaron stopped talking completely,” said tight end Tyler Conklin. “I’ve never seen him do that. I knew an ambulance had to be called right then and there.”
Despite the paramedics’ best efforts to revive Rodgers by praising his intelligence, promising to vote for RFK, and denying vaccine science, the quarterback was pronounced dead just as the discussion on microaggressions concluded.
For their part in Rogers’ death, Jets officials deny any wrongdoing. However, sources claim Rodgers had earlier requested a medical exemption from sensitivity training citing “already being naturally immunized from racism,” among other things.
As a final dying wish within Rodgers’ will, the quarterback left a framed picture of himself, wearing Maui Jims, signed, for each player, coach, and employee of the Jets facility. Sources close to the situation are confirming there’s writing on each picture that reads, “Do YOU believe I’m dead?”
Jets and Packers-insiders have also confirmed Rodgers had signed “Do YOU believe I’m dead?” photos made every year.
