Watch The Fuck Out: This Tennis Player Has A Headband

Tennis novice Paul Anderson came to a public Chicago tennis court looking for a few friendly matches but cowered with fear when he noticed his opponent sporting a fucking headband.

“That’s the thing that Federer guy wears,” Anderson said to a group of friends, dismayed that he played against a real Grand Slam champion. The rookie tennis player first knew that he was in deep shit when he saw a black Nike logo on a white headband, signaling Nike’s sponsorship of his opponent. Anderson mistakenly assumed that his eyebrows would be enough to keep the sweat out of his eyes, a classic rookie mistake. 

Anderson, asserting the man standing across from him just returned from dominating Wimbledon, warned his friends that the high-performance headband wasn’t the only weapon his opponent had in his arsenal. “He wore something on his feet, a shoe made only for tennis. He referred to them as ‘tennis shoes,’” Anderson said, adding that he will have to look into a pair if he wants any fucking chance at understanding the game. 

Drawing his friends into a huddle so as not to cause a panic, Anderson revealed that his new arch rival also demonstrated a way to make contact with the ball in a reverse motion, something nonchalantly referred to as a “backhand” in professional circles. 

“Holy shit,” they gasped.

“And just how does this freak of nature do all this? Check it out,” Anderson said, presenting a photo of something called a “tennis racket” to his friends, a tool only available to select individuals at tennis supply stores like Target, Wal-Mart, and Costco, the exact opposite of Anderson’s shitty Louisville Slugger tennis bat.

Following the debrief with his friends, Anderson felt his tennis nightmares were behind him and returned to the scene of the crime. But when he met his next challenger, his heart sank when he noticed they were wearing goddamn visors.