BASEBALL
Phillies’ Locker-Room Staff Hangs Sign Once Again Asking Players Not To Flush Bats Down Toilet
“Anyone who dies will get a bobblehead made in their image.”
-Rob Manfred, convincing MLB stadium staff to return to work
“Maybe this year I’ll finally go up in the Arch.”
-Yadier Molina, on his 18th year living in St. Louis
Hear Us Out: Baseball But I Turn Off The TV
What salt of the earth, red blooded, gas guzzling American doesn’t love baseball? There is nothing more American than drinking a beer and eating a hotdog for 3 straight hours.
The Future Is Now, Old Man: 5 Designated Hitter Options For The Dodgers That Would Piss Off My Stupid Dad
Ever since I was a kid, my dad’s been crying about the “death of baseball.” Wild Cards, video replay, starters who “crap out” after five innings. Now that the NL
Hear Us Out: Arguments Between Baseball Umpires And Coaches Must End In Make-Out Session
Baseball is America’s pastime. We all know there is nothing better on a hot day than watching the boys of summer. However, we’ve noticed the tension between managers and umpires
After Years Of Signals, Pitcher And Catcher Live Happily Ever After
Following three years of shaking off catcher Tommy Belisle’s signals, Tacoma Rainiers pitcher Richie Stein has finally nodded “yes.” The Triple-A teammates met in 2019, when Stein was called up
Hear Us Out: More Fuckable Umpires
When you’re at an MLB game, you want a cold beer, a jumbo hotdog, and an umpire who is ready to fuck. Fans across America have voiced their frustration with
Classic!: Team Mascot Pratfalls Into Coma
Baseball fans were treated to an action-packed performance today after the Triple-A Pomona Speedster’s mascot, Turbo, performed a series of daring stunts that sent him soaring into the hearts of
Philly Dad Excited To Teach Son How To Throw Batteries
Frantically searching through the family junk drawer in hopes of finding the desired training materials, Philadelphia resident and proud father Robert Goldmill was reportedly excited to finally teach his son
Here Is Sports Riot’s Field Guide To Fingering An Umpire
Look, we’ve all been there: You get the chance to finger an umpire in the wild but your field guide hasn’t been updated since Pete Rose played for the Reds.