BASEBALL

“Maybe this year I’ll finally go up in the Arch.”
-Yadier Molina, on his 18th year living in St. Louis

“You ever feel like you were born in the wrong era and play for the wrong team and live in the wrong city?”
-Mike Trout

“Fucked her, fucked her, fucked her.”
-Babe Ruth, pointing at different parts of the stadium with his bat

Opinion: Babe Ruth Didn’t Need Steroids To Be Great, He Just Needed Hard Work And Systemic Racism
People these days. Everyone wants to talk about Josh Gibson all of a sudden. I have two words for you: Babe. Ruth. Hitters these days, too… People say, “What about

Mr. Met Leaves Wife For Hot, Young Wiffle Ball
Mr. Met has left his wife of 22 years for a bright young new Wiffle Ball named Tiffany. The split was confirmed by Mr. and Mrs. Met in a public

Concerned Fan: I’ve Just Been Informed Of Jackie Robinson
Like any red-blooded American, I love apple pie and baseball. And I was SHOCKED to learn about someone named “Jackie Robinson” playing America’s game. Look, I’ve seen A League of

We Summarize All Of Our Baseball Predictions And Analysis In One Go So We Can Move On
We here at Sports Riot understand you live a very busy life. Baseball? 162 games? 9 innings? Who’s got the time? So as good journalists, we decided to trim the

Hear Us Out: Little League, But The Kids Verbally Abuse The Parents
For far too long, parents have been publicly degrading their children during little league games without repercussion. Insults like “butterfingers,” “loser,” and “waste of genetic material” are thrown on the

Slow Day: Holy Shit, Are We Really Going To Interview The Diamondbacks’ New Infield Coach?
Today I’m sitting with Rod Briner . . . Birner? . . . the new infield coach for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Diamondbacks? Infield? That

5 Best Ballparks for Cheating on Your Dying Wife So She’ll Never Find Out—Oh, God, She’s Looking Through My Texts with Her Frail Fingers
So you want to cheat on your terminally ill wife? You’ve come to the right place. I’ve compiled a list of the top 5 ballparks for doing exactly that —

Incredible Progress: More Women Than Ever are Failing to Make MLB
The old saying goes that behind every great man, there’s a woman; what’s becoming increasingly clear is that these women are abject failures, especially when it comes to Major League





