BASEBALL

MLB Condenses Season To 15,435 Games
Responding to the novel coronavirus pandemic that had endangered the MLB season, commissioner Rob Manfred yesterday announced that the league will dramatically reduce this upcoming season to a paltry 15,435

Drunk Cubs Fan Declares Wrigley Field Troughs Last Bastion Of Manliness
Speaking from row 14, section 227 on Friday, lifelong Chicago Cubs fan and self-proclaimed Bud Lite connoisseur Doug Wysocki issued a declaration to his fellow Wrigley Field attendees that the

Did COVID-19 Fix Baseball’s Regular Season?
Do we really need a regular season for baseball at all? No. Here’s why: COVID-19 fixed baseball’s regular season. No one really enjoys baseball’s regular season, but who doesn’t love

Are The Orioles For Real? Like, Is That Really A Team?
By Anthony Gable, investigative reporter As Major League Baseball remains mysteriously paused, we’ve decided to examine some of the oldest urban legends surrounding America’s past time beginning with the alleged

Dr. Andrews Performs Tommy John Surgery In 40 Seconds At Surgeon Combine
The annual AMA Surgeon Combine wrapped up this week with a spectacular performance by Dr. James Andrews, who wowed scouts by performing Tommy John surgery in 40 seconds flat. The

Retraction: Our Protein-Packed Bat Smoothie Will NOT Boost Your Immune System
It has long since been documented that colloidal silver, herbal supplements, essential oils, and protein found in Louisville Slugger bats pack enough immune system boosting power to combat COVID-19. However,

Mascot Unsure How To Deal With All These Furry Fanfiction Scripts He’s Being Sent
Flipping through the pages of the seventh erotic script delivered to his home this month, Noah Peters, the man behind the Phillie Phanatic, was once again reminded of the insatiable

What Angels in the Outfield Got Wrong About the Influence Of Paranormal Activity On Major League Baseball
The film Angels in the outfield deserves credit for having the courage to take on the controversial topic of ghosts in baseball. That said, it comes up short in several




