BASEBALL

Classic!: Team Mascot Pratfalls Into Coma
Baseball fans were treated to an action-packed performance today after the Triple-A Pomona Speedster’s mascot, Turbo, performed a series of daring stunts that sent him soaring into the hearts of

Philly Dad Excited To Teach Son How To Throw Batteries
Frantically searching through the family junk drawer in hopes of finding the desired training materials, Philadelphia resident and proud father Robert Goldmill was reportedly excited to finally teach his son

Here Is Sports Riot’s Field Guide To Fingering An Umpire
Look, we’ve all been there: You get the chance to finger an umpire in the wild but your field guide hasn’t been updated since Pete Rose played for the Reds.

‘Team’ Player Hits Solo Home Run
There is no ‘I’ in ‘baseball,’ but there certainly is a ‘team’ in ‘baseball team,’ so it’s baffling that Atlanta Braves first baseman Milan Kucan decided to launch a 3-1

Hear Us Out: Replace The MLB Pitch Clock With A Time-Sensitive Hostage Situation
You know what takes too long? Baseball. You know what would fix it? Kidnapping people from the stands, putting a gun to their head, and starting a countdown, so hear

It’s MLB Opening Day! Now Where’s The Goddamn Remote?
The crack of the bat echoes through the park. The barely warm spring sun pokes its head out to bathe the loyal fans in its promising light. Ah yes, the

Is Cancel Culture To Blame For Canceled Baseball Games?
Well, they really did it. Baseball games have been “canceled.” Typically the season would be underway already, but we have to wait till Thursday this year? Thanks Biden. I wish

Kevin Costner To Play The Ball In Upcoming Sports Movie
Kevin Costner might be the only actor to have played both sides of the battery, first as catcher in 1988’s “Bull Durham,” and then as pitcher in 1999’s “For the




