BASEBALL

Houston Astros Proud To Announce Entire Team Has Just Tested Negative For Steroids, HGH, DHT, Urine

“Two votes away from unanimous is actually a better way to get inducted into the Hall of Fame.”
-Alex Rodriguez

National League Pitcher Hoping This Cy Young Award Will Make Up For All Those Times He Grounded Out
Citing terrible defense, horrendous pitching, and safety issues; the entirety of cardboard fans in attendance at today’s Pirates game exited the PNC Park stands during the seventh inning stretch. After

Batter Needs This Walk To Hit 10,000 Steps
During a mid-game interview, Royals slugger Jose Blanco told on-field reporters that he needed his next at-bat to be a walk or he wouldn’t hit his daily 10,000 step milestone.

Cardboard Pirates Fans Leave Game During 7th Inning Stretch
Citing terrible defense, horrendous pitching, and safety issues; the entirety of cardboard fans in attendance at today’s Pirates game exited the PNC Park stands during the seventh inning stretch. After

Curt Schilling Threatens To Run For Office Again If Not Placed In The Baseball Hall Of Fame
Curt Schilling, enraged after once again failing to secure a spot among baseball’s immortal, announced his intention in a video to run for Massachusetts State Senate unless “the illegitimate body

Quiz: Is Your Man A Homerun Or A Ground Rule Double?
Look at him just sitting there watching Forged In Fire. He’s your man. But is he the explosive, firework-inducing, over-the-fence homerun type or more of the pretty good, no home

Unwritten Rule?: Does It Say Anywhere Chainsaws Can’t Be Used As Baseball Bats?
When I think of America’s pastime, I think of the smell of fresh ballpark food, the warm sunshine enveloping the crowd, and the roar of a serrated chainsaw blade as

MLB Considering Another Steroid Era
A memo circulating among the MLB and MLBPA this week shows baseball is considering the addition of another steroid era beginning as soon as next season. “The league is essentially

Wife Complains That Husband Spends Hours Wandering Around Target Field
Emily Moeller, a 35 year old Construction Worker, while out with some of her friends, couldn’t stop talking about her husband, Bryan. One of our sources, in Emily’s inner circle,






