BASEBALL

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred Institutes Special ‘Five-Strikes-And-We’ll-Think-About-It’ Rule For Players Facing Sexual Misconduct

“At first I thought why is everyone running so slow?”
-Jackie Robinson, on his first game in the MLB

“Players these days should stay humble. The last thing a ballplayer needs is a big head.”
-Barry Bonds

10 Best Nipples In Major League Baseball
From the delightfully perky to the downright concave, it’s no secret that the MLB has given the sport’s many male-chest-area enthusiasts a plethora of exciting nipples over its 150-year history.

Pitcher’s Parents Worried Son Experimenting With Cutter
After bursting in on their son watching an illicit video and gripping a baseball in that unmistakable way, parents of a high school baseball star are worried their son has

American Family Field Vows To Crack Down On Sober Fans
Following a statewide referendum in support of public decency, today the Milwaukee Brewers declared their commitment to cracking down on sober fans. Although only a handful of sober fans have

Switch Hitting Outlawed Under New Georgia Bill
Following weeks of intense debate between originalists and batting activists, Georgia lawmakers today passed a sweeping piece of legislation that outlaws switch-hitting. A 34-22 vote ensures batting averages for 3.5%

Batboy Becomes Batman After Batmitzva
Last Saturday, the Chicago Cubs family celebrated Batboy Simon Rosenberg’s BatMitzvah where he became a Batman following traditional Baseball doctrine. The rite of passage featured Simon reading the infielder portion

Tigers Throw MLB’s First Batting Practice No-Hitter
In an effort that will be sure to go down in history as one of the club’s finest moments, Detroit Tigers’ Hitting Coach, Scott Coolbaugh completed the first ever No-Hitter

CDC Announces Fully Vaccinated Catchers No Longer Need To Wear A Facemask
In a move long awaited by players everywhere, the Center for Disease Control has now revised its guidelines for all Major League Baseball catchers, declaring that those who are vaccinated

Kansas City Royals Owner Arrested For Attempting To Scalp 12,372 Tickets Before Game
The Kansas City Police Department confirmed in a statement today that they have taken Royals owner John Sherman into custody, after the profusely sweating 64-year-old was observed outside of Kauffman





