BASEBALL
Poll: Was Harry Caray The Original ‘Hipster’ Because Of His Glasses Or Because He Spent His Life Obsessing Over Obscure Losers?
MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred Institutes Special ‘Five-Strikes-And-We’ll-Think-About-It’ Rule For Players Facing Sexual Misconduct
“Buying a horse is not the loophole you’d think it is.”
–Tony La Russa, on his five horse-DUIs
“I’ve never knowlingly taken steroids, performance enhancers, or played baseball.”
–Barry Bonds
Switch Hitting Outlawed Under New Georgia Bill
Following weeks of intense debate between originalists and batting activists, Georgia lawmakers today passed a sweeping piece of legislation that outlaws switch-hitting. A 34-22 vote ensures batting averages for 3.5%
Batboy Becomes Batman After Batmitzva
Last Saturday, the Chicago Cubs family celebrated Batboy Simon Rosenberg’s BatMitzvah where he became a Batman following traditional Baseball doctrine. The rite of passage featured Simon reading the infielder portion
Tigers Throw MLB’s First Batting Practice No-Hitter
In an effort that will be sure to go down in history as one of the club’s finest moments, Detroit Tigers’ Hitting Coach, Scott Coolbaugh completed the first ever No-Hitter
CDC Announces Fully Vaccinated Catchers No Longer Need To Wear A Facemask
In a move long awaited by players everywhere, the Center for Disease Control has now revised its guidelines for all Major League Baseball catchers, declaring that those who are vaccinated
Kansas City Royals Owner Arrested For Attempting To Scalp 12,372 Tickets Before Game
The Kansas City Police Department confirmed in a statement today that they have taken Royals owner John Sherman into custody, after the profusely sweating 64-year-old was observed outside of Kauffman
National League Pitcher Hoping This Cy Young Award Will Make Up For All Those Times He Grounded Out
Citing terrible defense, horrendous pitching, and safety issues; the entirety of cardboard fans in attendance at today’s Pirates game exited the PNC Park stands during the seventh inning stretch. After
Batter Needs This Walk To Hit 10,000 Steps
During a mid-game interview, Royals slugger Jose Blanco told on-field reporters that he needed his next at-bat to be a walk or he wouldn’t hit his daily 10,000 step milestone.
Cardboard Pirates Fans Leave Game During 7th Inning Stretch
Citing terrible defense, horrendous pitching, and safety issues; the entirety of cardboard fans in attendance at today’s Pirates game exited the PNC Park stands during the seventh inning stretch. After
