LESSER SPORTS
“It’s a marathon.”
–Eliud Kipchoge, 8-time marathon winner, after watching one game of baseball
“We get to shit outside, just like the horses!”
–Kentucky Derby Fan, on how he looks at himself in the mirror
“As soon as I get into his weight class, I’m taking his ass down.”
–Jake Paul, on Pope Francis
Physicists Discover Secret To Making Speed Skater’s Bulge Completely Aerodynamic
In a breakthrough that promises to revolutionize the world of speed skating, researchers at MIT’s distinguished Department of Bulge Studies have finally discovered a way to make the unwieldy crotch
Planet Fitness Founder Reveals There Really Is A Planet Called “Fitness” Where Everything Is A Disgusting Shade Of Purple
The founder of Planet Fitness stunned the world today by revealing that there actually is a planet called “Fitness” several light-years away from the Milky Way galaxy where everything is
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Law & Order: SVU Announces Crossover Episode With NBC’s Olympic Coverage Of Women’s Gymnastics
NBC announced in a press release this Friday that they will be producing a two-week crossover event between “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” and the network’s coverage of women’s
Animal Rights Activists Protest Longtime San Jose Tradition Of Throwing Great White Sharks Onto Ice During Games
Calling the practice “barbaric” a local chapter of the ASPCA has taken to picketing all San Jose Sharks home games at SAP Center to protest the longstanding fan tradition of
How To Host The Perfect Stanley Cup Viewing Party Without Wayne Gretzky Bursting In Uninvited And Criticizing All Of The Plays
The stage is nearly set for the Stanley Cup final, sure to be a grueling series with show-stopping glove saves, mesmerizing toe drags, and unannounced cameos from the Great One
After A Hockey Game Ends, Who Drinks The Melted Ice?
Listen. Everybody knows that hockey teams cook the pucks and donate them to food banks after each game. But what happens to the ice that gets melted every time? Who
Disney Announces “Angels In The Octagon”
Disney announced this week that its new “Angels In the Octagon” will be set in the popular cage-fighting world of mixed martial arts. Billed as a ‘spiritual sequel’ to the