Articles

Retraction: Our Protein-Packed Bat Smoothie Will NOT Boost Your Immune System
It has long since been documented that colloidal silver, herbal supplements, essential oils, and protein found in Louisville Slugger bats pack enough immune system boosting power to combat COVID-19. However,

Mascot Unsure How To Deal With All These Furry Fanfiction Scripts He’s Being Sent
Flipping through the pages of the seventh erotic script delivered to his home this month, Noah Peters, the man behind the Phillie Phanatic, was once again reminded of the insatiable

What Angels in the Outfield Got Wrong About the Influence Of Paranormal Activity On Major League Baseball
The film Angels in the outfield deserves credit for having the courage to take on the controversial topic of ghosts in baseball. That said, it comes up short in several

What If We Made Baseballs Bigger And Softer? You Know, Like For Girls.
So all of us men have been talking, and we think excluding women from America’s Pastime is sexist, and we’d like to fix that. Here’s our solution: we make baseballs

Frank Thomas Opens Plus-Sized Store Called “The Big Shirt”
This Saturday, Former White Sox slugger Frank Thomas celebrated the grand opening of his new men’s apparel store, The Big Shirt, the first ever clothing store for men too big

Baseball Historian Remembered By Other Baseball Historians
Tens of people from the Society of Baseball Research gathered together in Cooperstown, New York, today to commemorate the life and work of legendary baseball historian, Ralph Hermann, who passed

Sure, But How Fast Can You Throw A Radar Gun?
As a pro scout, I’ve seen countless baseball hot shots with fancy fastballs and impressive ‘junk’ come and go over the years, but the only thing I really look for

Opinion: It’s Good That Nike Is Fat-Shaming The Athletes For Once
Athletes have long awaited this day. The day when Nike, the premier sports apparel brand, stops catering to the lazy, out-of-shape “athlete” with nauseating motivational ads and oversized mannequins. The

MLB Groundskeeper Almost Finished Watering Dirt
Reports out of Camden Yards indicate Orioles head groundskeeper Gil Zahradnik and his six-man crew are just about done watering the dehydrated dirt between innings, providing the hungry dirt with

Miami Marlins Finally Hire First Orthopedic Surgeon
After 27 years in Major League Baseball, the Miami Marlins have finally hired the franchise’s first orthopedic surgeon. Dr. Kenneth Brookfield will now be responsible for diagnosing players’ injuries. In

Bored Baseball Fans Call For Newer, Stronger PEDs
Nostalgic baseball fans longing for the days when the sport used to be exciting staged a protest outside of Major League Baseball headquarters today, calling on the league to fund

College Baseball Team Dies After Staying Hungry All Season
A Division II college baseball team came hungry and stayed hungry all season long, resulting in the deaths of twelve promising athletes. “Those boys were starving for action and to

Athlete Makes Up For Troubling Allegations With Stellar Season
In a heartwarming redemption story, a star studded Houston Astros roster claims to make up for their regrettable on and off-the-field behavior with a stellar statistical season that will help
