Articles

Marry, Fuck, Kill: We Break Down This Year’s NCAA Bracket
The time has come. The Final Four from this year’s NCAA Bracket are to clash, and everything is riding on tonight. Sports Riot has been overwhelmed with the outpouring of

Study: Women’s March Madness Linked Back To Decades Of Unreported March Gaslighting
A study out of the Women’s Hysteria Institute has found that the seasonal madness afflicting women during the March NCAA basketball tournament is not, as has long been assumed, due

Doing His Part: This Guy Is Helping The Homeless Find March Madness Viewing Locations
Max Sanders had a life-changing epiphany while on his way to the 2018 March Madness tournament. After passing a man sleeping on a park bench, Sanders grew sad over the

I Spent Hours Researching For A March Madness Bracket, But I’m Sure As Shit Not Gonna Vote This November
Though I’ll spend hours crunching data, conducting polls, and watching game tape during the NCAA tournament this March, I can guaran-damn-tee you I’m not going to waste any time participating

5 Signs You’re Not Going To Win Your March Madness Pool Or Custody Of Your Kids
Sorry pal, but it looks like you’ve botched your March Madness pool — and any chance you had at a meaningful relationship with your kids outside of court-approved weekends. Here

Top 5 Sickest, In-Your-Face, No-Coming-Back-From-That Gentle Finger-Rolls Of All Time
Many a professional basketball player has woken up in a cold sweat dreaming of the nightmare that getting gentle finger-rolled on is. Getting posterized by a world-class athlete who opts

Report: You’ll Still Be Terrible At Basketball In The Metaverse
A new study from the Pew Research Center confirmed Monday that despite your confidence in the Metaverse’s capacity to improve real life, you will still be terrible at basketball. Annie

Hear Us Out: The Knicks Should Tank Their Season So We Can Get Another Spike Lee Film Some Time This Decade
So, the Knicks aren’t having a great season and are dragging to the finish line, despite what they managed to accomplish last year. And while this has turned off some

Aptly Named: Pacers On Track To Finish Season
It’s not every day you hear a name that just clicks — the Chicago Bulls don’t bull, and the Detroit Pistons don’t piston — so it’s very refreshing to see

NCAA Psychiatrists Now Believe Nation’s March Madness Symptoms Were Present As Early As Last November
Emerging evidence suggests that symptoms of the illness commonly known as ‘March Madness’ (martius insanus) may have been present in the U.S. as early as November 2021, according to NCAA

Lakers To Retire Wilt Chamberlain’s Penis
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a

Thoughtful 76ers Fan Only Sends Ben Simmons One Death Threat Per Week
Despite Ben Simmons having left the Philadelphia 76ers standard Philly tradition consists of dozens upon dozens of death threats per week, until death. Except for one, thoughtful, wise, and one

5 Valentine’s Day Gifts For The Bracketologist In Your Life
Hey lovebirds, Valentine’s Day is coming up. That means March Madness is right around the corner. If you want to win the heart of the bracketologist in your life, here
