Articles
NFL Season Headed For Disaster After All Teams Go 8-8-1
The NFL regular season came to a stunning conclusion today as all 32 franchises finished with exactly eight wins and eight losses, including identical head-to-head, divisional, and conference records. “There
Two Bengals Season Tickets Open Up After Andy Dalton’s Parents Finally Accept Their Son For Who He Is
It’s a parent’s worst nightmare: your child has a serious problem, and despite all your efforts to lend them quarterback assistance, they cannot overcome it. Unfortunately for the parents of
Jay Gruden Proud To Announce He’s Already Halfway Through Season Six Of ‘Gilmore Girls’
Jay Gruden, who was recently fired from his job as head coach of the Washington Redskins, told reporters this Tuesday that, rather than wallowing in self-pity, he has spent the
Daniel Snyder Knows He’s Not The Problem. But, Do You?
Our owner, Daniel Marc Snyder, wishes to issue the following statement on His behalf: “Mr. Snyder fully understands that He is not now – nor has He ever been –
Cowboys Cheerleaders Unveil Cheer Asking For Health Insurance
Suppressing their pain as they gyrated in front of AT&T Stadium’s sold-out crowd, the Dallas Cowboys’ Cheerleaders debuted a new cheer this Sunday that featured them pleading with the organization
Kicker and Punter Feel Strange Pressure To Be Friends
Speaking to reporters before the game on Thursday, Cincinnati Bengals placekicker Randy Bullock and punter Kevin Huber confirmed that apparently based on their positions alone, there has always been this
Cynical Ref Deems Field Goal ‘Good, But Not Great’
After ruling on the field that a kick from Green Bay’s Mason Crosby was good, veteran NFL referee Dan Hruska stopped play Sunday to make an additional clarification that while
Wide Receiver Not Quite Local Commercial-Ready
Speaking outside Ellicott Motors in Tonawanda, New York, dealership owner Dan Baranski lamented to reporters that despite his celebrity status, Buffalo Bills receiver Zay Jones is not yet untalented enough
Eli Manning Proudly Informs Reporters That He’s On Chapter Four Of “Football For Dummies”
Eli Manning proudly informed reporters during a press conference Friday morning that he has officially reached chapter four of “Football for Dummies.” “It feels amazing to have finally found a
NFL Owner Lays Awake At Night Wondering If Players Like Him For His Personality Or His Money
Tossing and turning throughout the night as he tried to push the thought from his head, Carolina Panthers owner, David Tepper, told reporters he can’t shake the feeling that his
Peyton Manning Traded To Geico Commercials
Nationwide Mutual Insurance shocked the marketing world this Wednesday by agreeing to a blockbuster deal to send Peyton Manning to Geico in exchange for two cavemen and the hump-day camel.
Buffalo Bills Owner Plans To Relocate Team To 1964
In a radical move Buffalo Bills owner, Terrence Pegula, plans to relocate the team to the year 1964. Pegula announced the news at a press conference Thursday to a noticeably
The 2019 Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Are They the ‘2016 Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ of the NFL?
After four games in the books, the 2019 Tampa Bay Buccaneers beg the question: are they the 2016 Tampa Bay Buccaneers of the NFL? Even though they play in a