Quotes

“Walked straight up to Walkter Payton, spread them fine mahogany tree-trunks open, and put that ass to sleep.”
–Virginia McCaskey, on the first thing she did as the Bears’ owner
November 23, 2023
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“I know you don’t have a racist bone in your body–would you like one?”
–Dan Snyder, his go-to pick-up line
November 21, 2023
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“I’m not looking to actively shop him, but I’ll always listen to any trade offers.”
–Kyle Shanahan, holding his newborn baby for the first time
November 21, 2023
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“My cousin has not sucked my dick yet.”
–Trevor Lawrence, on the remaining Jacksonville traditions to embrace
November 21, 2023
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“I have changed my mind about the vaccine.”
–Aaron Rodgers, immediately after touching an MTA Subway pole for the first time
November 21, 2023
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“The rules only state a 53-MAN roster, Ol’ Slick Jerry found himself a loophole.”
–Jerry Jones, on his controversial use of child labor
November 21, 2023
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“Heh Heh. Do you guys remember the ‘butt punt’?”
–Dan Snyder, on that time he kicked a cheerleader to death
November 21, 2023
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“Approximately 72 school children can fit inside me.”
–Jerome Bettis, on how he got his “The Bus” nickname
November 20, 2023
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“They kept my head in a cage because my thoughts were too powerful.”
–Antonio Brown, on helmets
November 19, 2023
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“Wait, that weird little guy isn’t that mascot?”
–Davante Adams, on Raiders owner Mark Davis
November 19, 2023
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