Quotes
“Heyo – guess who’s got the biggest dickidy dick-dick-dick in the room?”
–Josh Allen, trying to make new friends
March 27, 2024
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“Just pretend you’re in Nashville, but after the apocalypse.”
–Travis Kelce, trying to convince Taylor Swift to move to Kansas City
March 27, 2024
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“Put me in, coach!”
–Urban Meyer, doing a fun little voice while waving his penis at a prostitute
March 27, 2024
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“It’s all pretty ironic considering I had just spoken with him recently.”
–Aaron Rodgers, on Achilles
March 27, 2024
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“I’d describe myself as a tall tree. With hands. Who can catch and run. Look, I’m a wide receiver, what kind of fucking question is that?”
–Mike Evans, answering if he were a tree which tree would he be
March 12, 2024
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“I start every day by throwing a football straight up into the sky as hard as I can, and then I wait patiently for it’s return, whereupon I allow the speeding lump of leather to strike me flush on the forehead, this filling my brain with knowledge of its travels.”
–Peyton Manning, on how he’s spending his retirement
March 12, 2024
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“Look at the jersey number, look down at your sheet, say the name out loud.”
–Al Michaels, the secret to good play-by-play announcing
December 16, 2023
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“What he lacks in top speed, he more than makes up for with elite acceleration and maneuverability.”
–Mel Kiper, taking 40 minutes to pick Yoshi in Mario Kart
December 16, 2023
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